My Good Ugly Cry

I stepped into my closet, shutting myself in like an exhausted escapee. Pop music and excited kiddie noise instantly became muffled behind closed doors. Rare, sweet silence enveloped me.

It wouldn’t last long. I had moments before the youngest would notice I was missing from the living room dance party.

I sank to the floor, frazzled…my mind a boiling pressure cooker. For no outstanding reason, I needed a good ugly cry, and if I didn’t squeeze it in now, I might not get another shot at it. So, I cried the kind of silent, breathless cry that conjures up grievances you thought were resolved, that’s laced with desperation and sorrow and petitionary prayer.

It wasn’t the kids and their usual chatter, requests, and periodic squabbles. It wasn’t a hundred calls, emails, and text messages about work. It wasn’t endless loads of laundry, a sink full of dirty dishes, or the mess. It wasn’t hormones…okay, it may have been a touch of hormones. But mostly it was just one of those days where the weight of my “Supermom” cape felt like it was strangling me.

I was being pulled in too many different directions, and I wasn’t fully present for any of it. I was short, stretched thin, and I found myself offering false, listless smiles in response to my kids’ playful bids for attention. The guilt of that alone weighed on me, as lower priority details siphoned my energy stores. My day was running me, and I just needed to stop.

When all of the tears felt to have emptied out of me, I breathed, and in my last moments of silence, a still, familiar, and other worldly calm came over me. I closed my eyes. I was reminded of a passage by Dodinsky, that I was just the quivering branch who, in the storm, had forgotten she was connected to the deeply rooted Oak. “Thank you,” I whispered. Nothing in my circumstances had changed, of course. But I had. I was no longer plugged into the drama. I was plugged into my Source. In the darkness of my closet, I found the light.

And with that, my breakdown concluded. The closet doors flung open, and my timely two-year-old excitedly announced: Mommy, I found you!” And he had. The real me. I emerged and proceeded to rock my crazy day. Sometimes we are just one ugly cry away from our breakthrough.

Today in SKOOL we are discussing the need to connect to our God source daily. We can not bring the light to any situation unless we connect TO the Light. Daily practices can help us avoid breakdowns and ugly cry moments. Prayer, meditation, journaling, a long walk, or some exercise. But when we forget or fall out of habit there’s no shame in allowing ourselves the space to release. So many of us are just one broken moment from our power.

What rituals have you implemented into your own routine to keep you calm, centered, and spiritually aligned throughout your day? What happens when you fall out of routine? Please tell us about it in COMMENTS!

👍❤️ If you too are better in the light, please give us some “LOVE” (❤️), COMMENT and SHARE. And for more actionable insights in optimal living for kids and their “big people” please follow our Super Kids of Optimal Living (SKOOL) on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube @ChiefExecutiveMomma. Catch a closer, more intimate and sometimes silly look at our days on SnapChat (denovabaker).

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